Authors like to spend a lot of time not writing. We even made a term for it, writer’s block! People say the internet made it worse. That’s probably true, but mankind has always been good at putting off important things.

It is hard to truly get away from the internet. Many coffee shops and libraries have free wifi. What to do when a new pinterest board is only a few clicks away?

Here are five unconventional ways to unplug. They may strike you as odd, but then again you are the person reading presumably because you procrastinate. You’re probably doing it right now.

I’ve arranged these in the order in which they should be attempted. Proceed with caution.

1. Do Your Work at Taco Bell

Taco Bell doesn’t have free wifi. Who would want it? It’s a place where seats are almost always available and no employee is going to complain about you spending hours typing away at your laptop. The only real downside is that you might get diarrhea.

2. Have Your Partner Punish You For Procrastination

Sounds juvenile doesn’t it? So does frequenting the internet for ways to fix an easily fixable problem. Tell your partner to do bad things to you if you do bad things to yourself. Remember spankings? Adults can find that kinky though. Instead, have them pluck leg hairs or be forced to watch whatever they want to watch on TV. You might get divorced, but you might also finish your book!

3. Unfollow Interesting People

Facebook is a big time suck. There is a reason people look at it though. There can be plenty of fun stuff to look at. Simple solution, get rid of the fun stuff. You don’t have to unfriend anyone, just unfollow them. They’ll never know unless you’re a serial liker.

4. Get a Diaper

Bathroom breaks are dangerous. That walk to the toilet is filled with distractions. It sounds gross because it is gross. Therefore, you’ll be more likely to get stuff done when you’re at risk of having to clean up your own feces.

5. Become a Bigot

This is the most extreme one and should be used as a last resort. If you can’t avoid friends or loved ones, lose them. Act offensive and mean so they’ll leave you alone. You might have to write under a pen name, but again, at least you’ll have your book.

So there you have it. You might think this is terrible advice and it might be in your case. Procrastination can be tough to conquer and desperate times do call for desperate measures. Now get back to work!